Yay! Bush won! Let us all break forth into celebratory songs and dances.
Four years ago on the night before the election, I had a dream that Bush won nearly all the states, but then, after he had conquered, the powers that be had a new election and, though he still managed to emerge victorious, he did not win by as much....which kind of fit in with the events that followed.
This year, I had a dream that Matt Drudge made a guest appearance on the Conan O'Brian show and they both danced around and started singing show tunes. When I woke up, I decided that there were two possible meanings to this dream, (1) Bush would win the election or (2) those rumors involving eggs and that extra spark Late Night has whenever its wayward sidekick returns are more than just rumors or the result of an hyperkinetic imagination. (Of course, there's also a third theory and that is (3) Jessica Menn enjoys engaging in cliched and slightly off-colour humor.)
Well, Bush won, and that means the first hypothosis must be the correct one....which means he has given me yet another reason to adore him beyond measure. Not only does he look cute in a flight suit, he has single handedly seen to it that I won't walk up to the local grocery store checkout stand to have my innocent little peepers assaulted by splashy gossip rag headlines screaming "Internet Rumormonger Caught With Chicken Porn!" or "Conan's Love Child" right above a picture of a pregant Andy Richter.
So, there you have it...
George Bush: Protecting America From Terrorism and Assuring the World that Matt Drudge and Conan O'Brian Are As Straight As David Bowie!