First up is Star Trek: The Motion Picture....Over the last couple months I have done some serious personal evaluation, and I have reached the conclusion that I am the worst...geek...ever. While it's true I have seen The Star Wars Holiday Special and my Tarzan fixation is well established, I dislike Peter Jackson movies, I've never played World of Warcraft, and I think vampires are incredibly lame.
My resolution for 2007, therefore, is to geek myself up, and I intend to begin that endeavor by watching all six classic Trek movies, most of which I have not yet seen.
First up is Star Trek: The Motion Picture....
In 1966 the USS Enterprise, under the command of Captain Kirk, set out on a five year mission to explore the vast reaches of space. Three years later Paramount grew weary of filming the Enterprise's adventures, and two years after that the said five year mission came to an end. Eight years later, in 1979, Captain Kirk and the rest of the Enterprise crew were rolled out of retirement and sent off on a six movie mission to earn Paramount as much money as possible.
Of course, it takes a little while to gather together the principles of the old t.v. show, if only because, after the end of the mission, they each went their separate ways.
Unlike his two friends, Kirk has not turned into a hippy during the intervening years. As a matter of fact, he's still in Starfleet, has been promoted to Admiral, and actually seems to have grown up and become a responsible adult.
Enter V'ger, an apparent doomsday machine on an intercept course for earth. Despite the fact that earth is the center of the Federation, the only star ship near enough to mount any sort of defense is the Enterprise, which, under the command of Captain Decker, is currently in space dock being completely refitted and upgraded.
Of course, when I say "being completely refitted and upgraded" I mean "having its special effects budget vastly increased", a fact the makers of this film have made certain even the most casual watcher recognizes via the inclusion of a four minute tracking shot of the Enterprise's exterior. I really admire it when filmmakers do not insert irrelevant footage simply because they have the budget to do so and make their editing and directorial choices based on what is artistically best for the film--not what makes them feel good.
Speaking of self-gratification, remember that thing I said about Kirk having grown up and become responsible? Not true. He's still a pompous, self-absorbed blowhard, who uses this moment of crisis to steal command of the Enterprise from Captain Decker and force Dr. McCoy back into service all so that he, Kirk the Magnificent, can relive the days he had real hair.
Captain of the Enterprise he may once again be, but it quickly becomes apparent that things are not going to be like they were back in the sixties. The hot, bald ship's navigator blows him off before he even starts to get his smoove on, and he makes an all around fool of himself by getting the Enterprise trapped in a wormhole only a couple minutes after launch. On top of that, Spock shows up, but refuses to get all buddy/buddy because he no longer "does" emotions. Bones, being Bones, speaks his mind and tells Kirk what everyone else has been thinking, and I quote: "You rammed getting this command down Starfleet's throat. You've used this emergency to get the Enterprise back....It's an obsession--an obsession that can blind you to far more immediate and critical responsibilities." Well said.
Other than giving Kirk the dressing down he so richly deserves, the good doctor essentially does nothing in this film, which is further proof that Kirk didn't force him back into Starfleet because he was necessary for this mission but simply because Kirk wanted to relive his glory days.
I always thought it was funny the way Bones, in the t.v. series, would come and hang out on the Bridge for no apparent reason. I figured he got bored being down in sickbay by himself doing dull doctory things, which is why he'd come and hang out with Kirk and Spock where all the action was.
I guess sickbay is still boring because the doctor does the same thing in this flick, only, in this case, the Bridge is apparently as boring as sickbay. A couple different times, McCoy comes in, looks around, sees that essentially nothing is going on, and then leaves a minute or two later, all without saying a word. It's kind of weird.
Moving on....Kirk bumbles through the film's 2 hour and 16 minute running time, never once proving that he is essential to the plot. Eventually, he and his merry band come face to face with V'ger which, although wielding immense destructive power, is not technically a doomsday device, but, in fact, turns out to be a sentient machine which threatens to wipe out all life on earth unless Kirk tells it what its purpose is.
Thankfully, Commander Decker has humanity's back and takes one for the team by choosing to give up his current state of existence and meld with V'ger, thus giving our genocidally-inclined mechanical adversary the meaning it so desperately needs. Kirk, no doubt, takes all the glory--the meaning he needs--and life returns to normal.
And what are our thoughts about this movie?
Copyright 2007 Jessica Menn
Spock spent the 70s on Vulcan searching for inner peace via the immolation of his emotions. Dr. McCoy, on the other hand, seems to have taken a more pharmaceutical approach. I know Wikipedia claims that after the five year mission ended, Bones retired to private medical practice, but, if his outfit is any indication, what they meant was "private" "medical" "practice". As anyone who has watched the original series knows, the good doctor not only keeps a stash of mind-altering libations in sickbay but also has a flair for whipping up new and bizarre drugs, and in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan he "casually mentions" to Kirk that he has connections--connections which you know must be able to provide more than just a bottle of Romulan ale.Kirk God forbid somebody else be able to blow things up, make out with exotic women, and in general be the galaxy's golden boy.
Let's pause for a moment so we can digest this. A sentient machine has just asked Captain Kirk to tell it what its purpose is. To me, this is proof positive that Kirk was the last person who ought to have been put in command of this mission. If I were a person on earth during this crisis, I would be very frightened if I knew my life depended upon how well James Tiberius Kirk, frat boy of the universe, could discuss philosophy with a machine. Plato is weeping.